A little does not go a long way

By | 2013-01-05T13:52:33-05:00 January 5th, 2013|Categories: Blog|Comments Off on A little does not go a long way

Beginnings are always exciting and full of hope that may have once been lost. You exit one relationship that left you drained and disappointed, swearing that you will never date again. Right! Just like you say you’ll never drink again after waking up to a miserable hangover . Somehow we all end up falling for these so called pleasures time and time again.

A woman scorned gains barriers to protect herself against being hurt after every painful break up or disheartening experience. We are extremely hesitant at the thought of entering something new but do so despite our discouragement and doubts because a very secret dash of faith and hidden optimism somehow remains. Proceeding with great caution we expect nothing, but hope for everything. We know our worth, and just want someone who we actually like to recognize it. Where is he? The one that ends up becoming “the one”? It seems like it happens to everyone but YOU! Most of your girlfriends, if not all of them have found their “one’s”, even the biggest playboy you used to date is now getting married, and not even trying to lie about it to sleep with you one more time. You find yourself silently screaming WHEN IS IT MY TURN???!!!

So you accept the invitations from men you would consider dating, even the ones who you normally wouldn’t. It’s always great in the very beginning, when you’re not showing too much interest. They do and say all the right things to win you over. You begin to think that this behavior might be genuine, and perhaps unique in comparison to other men you’ve dated, then suddenly, after the first few weeks, or months they start turning into someone else. They go from being the impressive, you’re so lucky you found him guy, to the jerk you yell at your friends at for dating! How does this happen? One minute they’re putting in tons of effort, making plans with you in advance, inviting you out with their friends, calling and texting every day, planning trips, being helpful and supportive, seem to be interested in what you have to say, do thoughtful things and really go the extra mile to be good to you…and then it all crashes. All the effort and kind gestures just vanish. And I’m not talking about simply slowing down or becoming a little more comfortable, because that’s completely normal. When you’re comfortable in a secure relationship you start to stay home more often, sometimes you’re ignored because the game is on, you’re not always out together, they have boys nights and you have girls nights, maybe you meet up afterwards maybe you don’t, you wish he took you dancing more often, now you only get flowers on special occasions or after a big fight…that’s completely normal, I’m addressing the extreme opposite.

The he once made plans with you and now only wants to come over after he’s done with his other plans that didn’t include you, proposing to go out on dates is no longer part of his repertoire and when you suggest it he comes up with excuses of why he can’t or why he’d rather sit around and do nothing. This is the person who once borrowed an umbrella in the pouring rain from a complete stranger to come walk you from the party you were at to where he was, just so he could see you sooner. The same guy who offered to stay up all night in the emergency room with you when you had an appendicitis scare, the one who constantly convinced you to stop being so tough and let him in because he only wanted to make you happy, the guy that asked you out for lunch, dinner, drinks, coffee or anything that you could make time for just so he could see you for a few minutes, the one who stayed home on Friday night with you while all his friends were out partying…is now the guy whose idea of effort is calling every few days, texting at 9 pm to make plans for the night, trying to come over at midnight on other nights, having to think about it when you invite him to a wedding because he doesn’t want to miss Sunday football, rarely invites you out anymore with his friends, and no longer takes you out on actual dates.

Somehow he thinks this is enough to keep you around, the minimum of minimum! This is now his idea of showing he cares and gets upset with you when you want nothing to do with him or his phone calls. It’s a hard pill to swallow ladies, but Mr. amazing has left the building and chances are he’s never coming back. I would say cut your losses but in this case there is NO loss. You might as well be alone, you’ll treat yourself better.